So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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