We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
