You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
