he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I see more hoeing in ur future
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
