Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
