Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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