i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
