we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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