have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh god it's open bar.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
