did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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