He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
