Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
