A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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