I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
