I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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