Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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