Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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