imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
