He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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