I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
