When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I understand Curling. That high.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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