Is it because I queefed?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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