This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jerry, you need to find god
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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