lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
