I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
