So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
