Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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