Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
