So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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