Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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