"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
