FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
