I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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