He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
