There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
