Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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