I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
