so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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