Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
COCAINE IS GR8
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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