The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize