If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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