He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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