I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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