apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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