Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
