When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
