You're so nebulous sometimes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
