someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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