My balls are so social today.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
