I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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