I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize