oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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