if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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