I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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