Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
