at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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