On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
