you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
