She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
