Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
