you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
