A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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