sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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