My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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