Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
