Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
