That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
